First and foremost: this isn’t a post that will directly talk about sex. Why? Because good sex is about more than just what goes on in the room where it happens. (I’m so sorry Hamilton and Lin Manuel but I couldn’t pass up an opportunity).
With COVID-19 still running rampant people have been diving in to all the home activities. From cooking to plant care to making bread – quarantine has seen it all. When it was March and still a novel reality rather than a new reality I joked with my family to take bets as to what would be higher in the months to follow stay at home orders: divorces or child births?
While the jury is still out on that, in talking with a friend and a professor of mine, part of the title of the post came up. Our discussion was around the new models of social interaction in a COVID world. Specifically, all of the effort that goes into planning to meet or even not meet up with people. During the conversation I realized that this situation is directly flexing the muscle that allows you to have better sex: it’s all about communication and consent.
How COVID will better your Sex Life: Communication
There has been a lot of communication in the months that have followed the coronavirus outbreak in the US but it is especially important in the stage we find ourselves in now. Things are starting to open up again; small-medium groups are allowed; and everyone has varying feelings about it.
Chances are if you are meeting up with people, and you’re a socially responsible person, you’re communicating with them prior. Questions that may have explicitly been asked or implicitly checked in on include: What kind of setting are you comfortable in? Inside or strictly outdoors? What is the mask etiquette here? On all the time? Or just some of the time? How socially distant is good for you? I’m sure you’re seeing where this is going.
For a lot of people the communication part of sex feels awkward and uncomfortable. But that communication is integral for having good sex and COVID is giving us the opportunity to practice. Why shouldn’t we take it? Whether you currently have a partner(s) or not this is generally a skill that will level up your sex life. The more comfortable you feel communicating your sexual wants and needs to a partner(s), the better the experience can be for everyone.
How COVID will better your Sex Life: Consent
The other way corona is going to improve your sex life is we’re getting comfortable with consent, friends. The more we see that consent is something in ALL areas of our life that we’re already doing – the less it feels like something you only have to outwardly think about in relation to sexual experiences.
We’ve all heard about consent but given our poor sex ed policies, our education on the topic is quite varied. (P.S if you haven’t read my old post on How We’re Failing in Sex Ed you should). Now, how does consent relate to COVID? Well similar to communication, we have an opportunity to practice it right now. Some people are feeling more comfortable with hugs; others want to stick to elbow bumps; others don’t want to be touched. Intuitively, we understand that all are valid and we want to respect them.
Given the world we have now, I find it hard to believe you or anyone is running up to hug someone because we have that shared understanding. We check in, we get consent and we listen to what the person is comfortable with and act accordingly. All of these skills will improve your sex life.
COVID has cancelled a lot of things but as we’ve seen it is a great opportunity in so many ways. We have a universally understood experience right now that can make it easier to get comfortable with these conversations and check ins. If we use it, we can come out of quarantine more confident and comfortable. While you’re learning how to bake bread and care for your new house jungle; consider using the communication and consent skills to level up your sex life. Because honestly, life is too short for bad sex.
xx, Victoria Ellyse